Relationships/Ares-Hephaestus-Aphrodite

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Ares[edit]

Celebrities 
Muhammad Ali, Michael Johansen, George Bush
Hairstyle
A razor

has never come upon my head....If I be shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak, and be like any other man.

—Samson, Judges 16:17
Shoes 
Heavy boots.
Favorite Movie 
Rambo, starring Sylvester Stallone (1986).
Mythology
Ares was the god of war, or, more precisely, warlike frenzy and the warrior. His tutor Priapus first trained Ares to be a dancer, and later trained him to be a warrior.
You don't give a man a weapon until you've taught him how to us it.[1]
—Celtic proverb
The Romans knew Ares as Mars.
Emotional Control System 
Anger and rage, when confined, thwarted, or frustrated.
Life Purpose 
Ares's life purpose is independence. Ares men use courage and initiative to gain freedom. Ares men can be leaders, or work independently. Ares is a soldier - a fighter and a lover.
Shadow
Ares men can't stand being controlled, especially by anonymous strangers. They'll sacrifice their best interests for freedom. E.g., they'll take a cut in pay to work independently rather than work for a big corporation.
They underestimate things in their path-other people, time requirements, mountains.
They challenge people. They use "anger as a greeting," but respect individuals who stand up to them.
They always feel they're right, but don't hesitate to change their views when they receive new information.
Under Stress 
Under stress, Ares becomes Apollo. Watch Muhammad Ali's 1973 fight against George Foreman, in the movie When We Were Kings. Ali came into the ring with a plan, and coolly kept to his plan even as Foreman pummeled Ali in the initial rounds.
When Safe 
When safe, Ares men become Demeter. They can be generous and supportive to a child or employee. Justice concerns them. They support underdogs.
Other Personality Type Systems 
Ares is represented in astrology by Aries (courage, initiative, independence, and the will to exist), the 1st House (of the Self, or establishing one's identity), and the planet Mars. Ares is Enneagram personality type #8, the Boss.
Sex 
Ares was Aphrodite's favorite lover.
Meeting 
To meet Ares men, wear red and go to sporting events.

Hephaestus[edit]

Robert Oppenheimer (left) and General Leslie Groves standing over remains of first atomic bomb, detonated July 16, 1945, near Alamogordo, New Mexico.[2]
Celebrities 
Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Robert Oppenheimer, James Doohan (Scotty) on Star Trek, Bill Gates.
Hairstyle 
Short, but can't talk about sports with Frank the barber.
Shoes 
Rockports-inside white anti-radiation booties.
Favorite Movie 
Star Trek: First Contact, starring James Cromwell as Dr. Zefram Cochrane (1996).
Mythology
Hephaestus was the craftsman, the god of the forge. He built tools, weapons, chariots and everything else the other gods used. The Romans knew Hephaestus as Vulcan.
Hephaestus had a clubfoot. The other gods rejected him because of his disability. He lived alone in a volcano. As god of volcanoes he had immense destructive power.
Emotional Control System 
Speculatively, the use of tools and the control of fire may be hardwired into our brains.
Life Purpose 
A Hephaestus man's life purpose is to develop skills and competence. He wants to make useful things.
Shadow 
Hephaestus men are nerdy-good with machines or computers, but not with people. They can be insensitive about their powerful creations hurting people. E.g., Robert Oppenheimer and the atomic bomb, or Bill Gates building his empire.
Under Stress 
Under stress, Hephaestus becomes Apollo. Take him to a weird party, and he'll act like an anthropologist visiting an exotic tribe- observing, occasionally talking to people, but staying detached and emotionally uninvolved.
When Safe 
When safe, a Hephaestus man becomes Demeter. He offers his skills to help other people.
Other Personality Type Systems 
Hephaestus is represented in astrology by Virgo (developing skills and competence), and the 6th House (of Servants). Hephaestus is Enneagram personality type #8, the Boss.
Sex 
Engineers use "elegant" and "beautiful" to describe well-built things. Engineers talking about computer code sound like women talking about cocktail dresses.
Meeting 
To meet Hephaestus men, go to a computer conference or Star Trek convention. Look for the men with no social skills and multitudinous stock options. Show off your golden hair, and ask him to fix your computer. When he finishes, your computer will do stuff that you never imagined, or wanted to do.

Aphrodite[edit]

Marilyn Monroe, 1955[3]
Celebrities 
Marilyn Monroe, Georgia O'Keefe, Lauren Bacall, Elizabeth Taylor, Princess Diana, Madonna, Cleopatra.
Hairstyle 
Long and wild. Hair that men want to feel brush against their naked chests.[4] E.g., Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer.
Shoes 
High heels, platforms.
Favorite Movie 
Gentlemen Prefer Blonds, starring Marilyn Monroe (1953).
Mythology 
Aphrodite was the goddess of feminine love and beauty. She had the power to cause mortals and deities to fall in love. The Romans knew Aphrodite as Venus.
Emotional Control System
Aphrodite is a combination of two emotional control systems: sexuality and homeostasis.
No one has ever referred to Aphrodite as the "goddess of homeostasis." But this is the nature of pleasure: when our bodies are out of balance, we suffer. When we get, do, or consume what we need to return to homeostasis, we feel pleasure. E.g., when you're cold, nothing is so pleasurable as a hot drink.
When an Aphrodite woman's body signals that it's out of balance, she looks for an opportunity to experience the pleasure of returning to homeostasis. E.g., jumping into a cool creek on a hot day. Her pains and pleasures are immediate, not some time in the future.
Sexuality is a different emotional control system.[5]
Life Purpose
The goddess of homeostasis's life purpose is to seek physical comforts.
The goddess of love's life purpose is to be charming and attractive.
Shadow
The shadow side of the goddess of homeostasis is addictions. Neurologically, addictions are messed up homeostatic systems.
The goddess of love's shadow side is shallow, uncommitted relationships. An Aphrodite woman may sleep around. Or she may be like Elizabeth Taylor, who married eight times.
Actresses who use Aphrodite sexiness-e.g., Bo Derek, Brigitte Nielsen (married five times, including to Sylvester Stallone)- quickly rise to movie star status. Then their careers fall just as fast. The public seems to want only a "one-night stand" with Aphrodite actresses.[6]
Under Stress 
Under stress, Aphrodite becomes Athena. Invite an Aphrodite woman camping. She'll come up with a list of fears, from snakes to not being able to wash her hair.
When Safe 
When safe, Aphrodite becomes Hestia. She'll make her home and garden as beautiful as herself.
Other Personality Type Systems 
Aphrodite is represented in astrology by Leo (outward expression, seeking attention), the 5th House (of Children, and recreation), and the planet Venus. Aphrodite is Enneagram personality type #7, the Entertainer.
Sex 
Expect great sex with an Aphrodite woman-while the relationship lasts.
Meeting
To meet Aphrodite women, embody Ares. Aphrodite women are everywhere, looking beautiful and attracting men. To win one, show courage. Not money or status, but the confidence and will to win her.
Keep her by embodying Hephaestus. If you're a software engineer during the week and a motorcycle racer on weekends, attract her with your motorcycle. Keep her by fixing her computer.

Ares-Hephaestus-Aphrodite Marriage[edit]

An Ares-Hephaestus-Aphrodite marriage works hard and plays hard. On weekdays, Hephaestus and Aphrodite get the work done that's necessary for homeostasis (e.g., food, shelter, clothing). At night and on weekends, Ares and Aphrodite have passionate romance and great sex.

Ares 
An Ares man can be a good husband, if his wife doesn't try to control him. He can be a good citizen in a community that looks to him as a leader.
Hephaestus
Hephaestus men live for women. They need women to appreciate the beautiful things they make. They need women to inspire their creativity, to teach them social skills, and to tell the world that they're brilliant.
Hephaestus men are the best husbands. They never argue. Any problem is an opportunity to invent something to fix the problem.
Hephaestus men are faithful to their wives, usually because no other woman wants them. But Hephaestus men can neglect their wives, spending too much time at work. A Hephaestus man's wife may not get the passion and fireworks that she wants, but this doesn't mean that he doesn't treasure his wife more than anything in the world.
Hephaestus built golden maidservants that could talk and perform household tasks. A Hephaestus man might buy a Russian mail-order bride, expecting a golden maidservant. He's more likely to get Pandora, the first mortal woman, whom Hephaestus also built. Pandora had not only domestic skills and sex appeal, but also "shamelessness, cunning use of language, lies, and deceitfulness."[7]
Aphrodite
Aphrodite women shouldn't marry Hermes men. They'll have fun for a while, but the marriage will lack commitment. Avoid Poseidon men, unless you think Courtney Love enjoyed scraping Kurt Cobain's brains off the wall.
Just as Aphrodite is a combination of two goddesses, her marriage involves two gods. Aphrodite married Hephaestus, god of the forge. Aphrodite women love the beautiful things Hephaestus men make for their wives.
But Aphrodite's lover was Ares, god of war. They shared intensity, sensuality, immediacy, and passion.
Ares men often have Hephaestus jobs (jobs that use tools), e.g., auto mechanics. Many Hephaestus computer nerds become Ares weekend warriors, enjoying flying, mountain biking, etc.
Marital success for an Aphrodite woman requires bringing out the Hephaestus in her Ares man, or the Ares in her Hephaestus man. Aphrodite and Ares had two sons, Fear and Panic. If you don't want TV crews asking why your sons blew up their high school, have your Ares husband channel your sons' energy into Hephaestus skills (e.g., building a really cool car for Mom).
To bring out the Ares in your Hephaestus nerd, suggest that he buy a motorcycle. Don't ride on the back until he passes the Motorcycle Safety Foundation course, and buys you a helmet, leather jacket, and cool new boots. Then suggest a drive up to the city for spicy Thai food, and return on Skyline with a starry stop at a scenic overlook.
Suggest watching a swing dance video. Watch it in his living room. Don't take him dancing in public yet. You'll embarrass him. He'll need a lot of practice before he's ready to lead you on a dance floor. But when he figures out that leading means that you'll do whatever swings and spins he wants you to do, watch Ares come out. Combined with Hephaestus's 900 megahertz learning skills, once he's interested in swing dance he won't stop until he's mastered every move.

References

  1. Meade, Michael. Men and the Water of Life (HarperSanFrancicso, 1993, 0-06-250726-5), p. 207.
  2. "J. Robert Oppenheimer, Photo: P-195 ('Oppie"'and General Groves)," Society for the Historical Preservation of the Manhattan Project, http://www.childrenofthemanhattanproject.org/MP_Misc/Photo-Pages/MPP-195.htm
  3. ABC Photo Division Press Information photograph, 1955. Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division [LC-USZ62-118272].
  4. McCracken, Grant. Big Hair: A Journey Into The Transformation of Self (Overlook, 1995, ISBN 0-87951-657-7), p. 134.
  5. Panksepp, Jaak. Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions (Oxford Univ, 1998, ISBN: 0195096738).
  6. McCracken, Grant. Big Hair: A Journey Into The Transformation of Self (Overlook, 1996, 0-87951-657-7), p. 67.
  7. Bolen, Jean Shinoda. Gods in Everyman (HarperCollins, 1989, ISBN 0060972807).

Hermes-Hestia · Dionysus-Demeter

 v  d  e 
Hermes-Hestia · Relationships · Dionysus-Demeter
About This Book · Q&A · Recommended Books
The Science: The Evolution of the Human Brain · How Women Select Men · How Men Select Women · How Our Ancestors Lived · Monogamy and Polygamy · Hormones · Communication Styles
Life Stages: Childhood—Seeking Unconditional Love · Adolescence—Seeking Romantic Love · Adulthood—Families And Forgiveness · Agape—Altruistic Love
Practical Advice: Where Couples Met · Flirting · How to Write a Personal Ad · Dating · Sex · Becoming a Couple · Conflict In Relationships
Personality Types: Emotional Control Systems · Zeus-Hera · Poseidon-Athena · Apollo-Artemis · Hermes-Hestia · Ares-Hephaestus-Aphrodite · Dionysus-Demeter · Hades-Persephone