Talk:Relationships/Q&A

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Relationships
About This Book · Q&A · Recommended Books
The Science: The Evolution of the Human Brain · How Women Select Men · How Men Select Women · How Our Ancestors Lived · Monogamy and Polygamy · Hormones · Communication Styles
Life Stages: Childhood—Seeking Unconditional Love · Adolescence—Seeking Romantic Love · Adulthood—Families And Forgiveness · Agape—Altruistic Love
Practical Advice: Where Couples Met · Flirting · How to Write a Personal Ad · Dating · Sex · Becoming a Couple · Conflict In Relationships
Personality Types: Emotional Control Systems · Zeus-Hera · Poseidon-Athena · Apollo-Artemis · Hermes-Hestia · Ares-Hephaestus-Aphrodite · Dionysus-Demeter · Hades-Persephone

Welcome to the Relationships questions and answers page.
Feel free to post any questions you have while learning about relationships. Please sign and date your entries by inserting -- ~~~~ at the end, though others may be able to link your post to your real identity by analyzing your other edits.
If you have questions about this book, post them on the Relationships discussion page.


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My question[edit]

There is this boy that use to go to my school he says he's deeply in love with me and want to have a serious relationship.. He's a nice guy and I don't want to hurt him but if my parent know I ave a boyfriend they will kill and am not sure what to do ....what do you think???? Brittoney McKenzie (discusscontribs) 01:42, 13 August 2016 (UTC)

Love bears all things Pius Christian (discusscontribs) 00:30, 3 April 2018 (UTC)

There is what is called secret relationship and open public relationship. So choose one. Pius Christian (discusscontribs) 00:32, 3 April 2018 (UTC)

Confused & Upset[edit]

I started dating this woman five weeks ago. We got into it pretty heavy. We spent a lot of time together. I began staying at her house every night, aside from maybe 2 or 3 nights. A week ago things started getting a little rough. We got into a little spat for the first time. Since then, things just seemed to go a little downhill. A few days later we got into another disagreement, and soon after that she told me that we needed some time apart. I can understand the time apart thing, to some degree. But I'm really into this person and am scared about losing her. I stayed at home last night for the first time in roughly three weeks. I miss her a lot already. What I want to know I guess, what do I do to keep in contact with her? How do I go abouts keeping contact? How often? My initial reaction is to pour myself out into a note or email and give it to her,yet, I dont want to push her any more.

I presume the two of you are in your twenties. The chapter Adolescence—Seeking Romantic Love shows how young people fall in love, by projecting idealizations onto a partner rather than by seeing who the partner really is. When even a tiny bit of reality cracks that idealization, the fantasy falls apart in a hurry. Young people then go from madly in love to hating each other. Contrast this to Adulthood—Families And Forgiveness. Help her to move from adolescent love to mature love.--Thomas David Kehoe 21:39, 16 October 2006 (UTC)

Conflict[edit]

I got out with a girl, we work in the same place. Before this, I was in love with another girl, but she did not felt the same for me. Then I decided to take a chance with the girl who worked with me. I found out that she liked me and I didn't know that. The problem is that she wants a serious relationship, but I don't think I'm ready for it, I feel quite unconfortable, but now I think there's no return. I was forced to ask her father to date her, but I don't want to (altough he refused). Anyway, she has deeper feeling for me than mine for her. I fear hurting her and I'm ashamed because of it. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 201.13.27.237 (talkcontribs) 13:29, 16 December 2006 (UTC)

You should only be ashamed if you intentionally mislead her. You can't control other peoples feelings. You however can and should try to be aware of them and respect them as you like yours to be respected. Be always clear on you relationship, without being unnecessary blunt, emotions are already confusing enough without adding more to it... --Panic (discusscontribs) 18:47, 11 August 2018 (UTC)

Why develop all 15 archetypes?[edit]

Why is it ideal, as you said, to develop all fifteen archetypes rather than just a few like most couples do? Are we some kind of super-couple if we can develop all fifteen equally?

A love style in a relationship[edit]

Hi all. How can we women deal with men as being ludic?

Ludic means being playful, there are many games that strengthen relationship, team activities of exploration and testing of skills will serve to increase mutual reliance and expose character traits that could otherwise not be evident. It is also a good way to define shared interest(s). --Panic (discusscontribs) 03:39, 17 February 2012 (UTC)

relationship with a married man[edit]

is a relationship with a married man have a great future

It depends in many factors. A marriage is not only a legal contract but a trust commitment between two persons. If one is infringing on that legal and moral contract without the knowledge of the other partner and without a valid reasons (all extremely limited in time and all excluding participation in most marital functions). That person not only demonstrates a lack of character and reliability but escalates the possibility that he/she is not committed to the new relation or the situation can be repeatable in the future. Even more if he/she knows the new partner is aware of the situation, since he/she is also morally corrupted by association. This seems common sense. --Panic (discusscontribs) 13:03, 6 April 2012 (UTC)

nothing at all[edit]

i have feelings for my teacher,but she is already twice as my age.We are very close to each other.However she has boyfriend now .What can i do to show her my feelings?Can it be possible?

Your age influences maturity and viability of a relation (independence), this is the fulcrum to access the issue. In any case any relation with that age difference is extremely impractical in the basic long term considerations and even more problematic it is not in general socially accepted. Since she has a boyfriend it also indicates that she is not romantically available. Even if those that do not risk reap no gains, one should realize that there is clearly a cost vs benefits that should be considered, especially since making it clear and being found unilateral will probably make your close relation impossible. --Panic (discusscontribs) 13:27, 16 August 2014 (UTC)

married life[edit]

i am 24 years married but for the past 4 years my wife just see everything wrong in me i don't think she has someone else in her life i think she doesn't love me anymore, we have sex maybe one a week then she will not participate and this is slowly killing me i want a wife that show love and wants love on this stage she doesn't want me

what to do?

I keep answering this questions because a) they are mostly common sense b) logical, they only need a moment's reflection, and advice is free...
First consider why you got married and if it was a mistake in the first place, one that needs fixing. Have a talk with her and see where she is at, marriage is a partnership, you can't and should take the burden alone.
As for the wife "pointing out" your faults (by your own admission), it demonstrates that you have a low self esteem, no one is perfect and I'm certain the she has her own faults also, it may be something reflecting her personality or that you should have lived together or got to know each-other better. Do not chose to respond in kind, that will not make it better. If you are willing, try to fix your quirks. I'm certain you can do that to some of it, even use it to negotiate terms with her about it, like trades (you do so and I do that) or ask for help correcting them in a positive way.
As for the love relation itself that takes work to keep alive, it shouldn't be taken for granted, do the things that brought you together in the first place and add tasks that you can perform as a team and create positive experiences around, happy communal memories. Please avoid going to into the baby trap, some couples decide to have a baby as a fix, that rarely works, it is a delay tactic that does nothing to address the issues and adds a third party that if things do not work will suffer and make you regrets even worse. --Panic (discusscontribs) 06:00, 29 September 2015 (UTC)

My question[edit]

I have this new boyfriend and he keeps telling me "I love you" but I'm too shy too respond so what should I do Lucy idegwu (discusscontribs) 14:04, 18 June 2016 (UTC)

If you feel the same you should make it at least as clear as he does, otherwise he may feel that you haven't the same consideration and commitment to the relationship. --Panic (discusscontribs) 21:21, 13 June 2018 (UTC)

relationship[edit]

How to know when a girl don't like you anymore — Preceding unsigned comment added by 105.112.98.64 (talkcontribs)

Unless you can read minds the only way is to ask her, or like in the previous post, attempt to initiate a reciprocation. --Panic (discusscontribs) 21:22, 13 June 2018 (UTC)

How to be happy when your boyfriend still cares for his baby mama[edit]

Am dating a man who is 40 years old and am 20 he has two children the older one is 16 and the other one is 7.am deeply in love with this man but the problem he still cares for his baby mama I don't know if I should leave him or be patience he promised to pay lobola for me and he told me that he is gonna leave his baby mama but I know that he will never do that,everytime we argue he called me zama I don't know why or it his baby Mama name .he told me he is keepin money for me there by capitec but am thinkin of leavin him and start afreash

You seem to be from a distinct cultural background so you have to examine other relations around you for a feeling of what is normal and expected (for you and from you). You also do not mention how fresh the relationship is and the time of his separation.
The age disparity may be problematic, while man and women seek different things in a relationship, your age difference will make you even far apart, in your interests, activities and have a general different world view (experience, short, and long term goals).
Keep in mind that the mother of his children will always have importance to him, not only, but because she is the guardian of his offspring, somethings are expected of him, probably even by his family and community, it all depends on how the relation ended, his maturity and the relation to the children.
In any case at 20 you are getting into a very complex situation ponder your objectives for love and life, match it with his and balance it of what your culture expect for determining how to proceed. --Panic (discusscontribs) 17:18, 9 August 2018 (UTC)

Does he really love me or he is tryin to buy me[edit]

The is this guy who always tells me that he loves me he even offer me money n said one day I want u to be my wife we dated about a week we never kissed or have sex we just hugged n say bye when we date I got enough of him I then break up with him .now he wants a loveback n he said he still care n will always will I don't know if I should give him a chance r what but my friend always tell me that he really love me not all these boyfriend I have who wants sex. Written by P GOVENDER FROM PIETERMARTZBURG

Continuing from above. Again this has bases in your local culture. The offer or many is linked to a demonstration of superiority (I have it) and independence (I can get more of it), the idea of trade (I give you this and you give me that) and what he perceives you want or would impress you (a reflection of how he sees you).
Having sex is easier for man that women in general as your own experience indicates, the implications of the act, the mentality behind it and even the cultural background generalized around the world. If you wanted to and he was shy, consider that something of great importance to him prevented it (something physical or mental). Has he had other girlfriends ? Was it done as to show respect for you and your relationship ? Did he get your willingness ? --Panic (discusscontribs) 17:52, 9 August 2018 (UTC)

How to see a man that really love you[edit]

In this world we livin in there's lot of handsome guy but the problem is we don't know the one that really adores us how do you see a man that adore u? — Preceding unsigned comment added by 41.115.42.127 (talkcontribs)

Is it important that you are adored or that you feel your feeling (not necessarily adoration) are reciprocated ? Notice that by selecting for handsome guys you are limiting yourself and even selecting for a more risky situation (competition, self doubt) if you goal is commitment and long term. It all depends on how high you set your definition of handsome (especially in relation to your own esthetic appeal) and the age you are (beauty is ephemeral). --Panic (discusscontribs) 18:43, 11 August 2018 (UTC)