Guide to Social Activity/Appearance
||A Wikibookian has nominated this page for cleanup because:
(1) Module should be gender-neutral. (2) Module needs to establish scope. When is appearance important? Note that this is a submodule of Guide to Social Activity/Courtship. --Kernigh 06:14, 4 December 2005 (UTC)
The factual accuracy of this module is disputed.
First, the bad news. There is nothing you can do that will make you attractive to every woman you meet. Every woman has her own unique preferences, turn-ons, and turn-offs. Even if you happened to be Mel Gibson, there are women (especially lesbians) who would look at you and think, "Eh, nothing special," or women for whom Mel Gibson reminds them of some person they intensely dislike (Mel Gibson, perhaps). You just can't please everybody.
However, you need not appeal to a woman in terms of looks to make her go out with you. Of course, she needs to admire you, to feel good and comfortable because of you. So the whole area of looks is just to prevent some thoughts like "my, that's a dirty/boring/careless guy/gal" to pop up in her mind the moment she sees you first.
Basic elements of style:
Fit: Obviously, the piece of clothing in question needs to fit, preferably loosely. If you feel like flaunting your muscles (if you HAVE muscles), then go ahead and wear something a little tighter.
Comfort: Except in extreme situations (i.e. formal dinners and the like), make sure your clothing feels comfortable on you. If not, you'll wriggle around, and this will make you look odd.
Colour: The ideal colour of your clothes depends on you. Dark, muted tones convey an air of professionalism, whereas light, bright tones convey an air of lightheartedness. Play to your strengths.
Fabric: This ties back into comfort. If the basic material the clothing is made out of is itchy and uncomfortable, it won't play well with the ladies. Obviously, find what you feel most comfortable in.
Appropriateness: Wearing an inappropriate outfit can effectively sink you. What is deemed "appropriate" is determined by the situation: obviously, black-tie galas and other upscale events call for a much more strict standard of dress than, say, a club.
Practicality: When buying an outfit, think: "How will I use it"? If it's fairly expensive, and you're rarely going to use it, then it may not be a good idea to buy it.
Value: Go with what works on your budget. If you attempt to woo the ladies by looking like a millionaire when you are not one, it will lead to disappointment.
Mixing and matching: This is very important. If two items of your wardrobe clash, this can sink you. Think of your wardrobe like an orchestra. No matter how good one instrument is, if another doesn't produce a pleasant sound, that's all people will notice. White, black, and grey are the universal matching colours: nearly every other colour will go with at least one of them.
Accessories: Accessories come in two categories, the utile and the stylish.
Utile accessories: These are the accessories you actually USE. Take your belt for example. It's holding up your trousers. You're using it. A watch is another example. You can use it to tell time.
Stylish accessories: You don't actually use these, they're just there to make something look good (like a "grill").
If you ask a woman what she wants in a man or woman, considering the looks, they will often prefer men or women without fat, a little bit of muscle up to bodybuilder-like figures. However, reality shows the opposite, and it's more important how you make her feel. If she feels turned on by big muscles, that's okay. If you can make her comfortable and (only then) turn her on via what you say, it's even more powerful! Exercising is a good way to go, though.
The sacks of meat charged with moving our brains from place to place are wonderful devices, but they weren't designed for the sedentary lives and atrocious diets so many of us inflict upon them. They are meant to be used and used vigorously.
Exercise is absolutely critical to the human body. There are a dozen reasons, and making yourself gorgeous for women of the female persuasion is just one of them. You want to be able to accomplish the daily tasks of life without getting winded. You want to be able to run and play with your kids. You want to be able to defend yourself in a fight. Just choose a reason that motivates you and compels you to do put in the effort, so your body can live up to its potential.
There is no shortage of exercises to choose from. Running, jogging, cycling, weight lifting, swimming, basketball, racquetball, tennis, gymnastics, badminton, and football (European or American) are all popular. But if you prefer some niche sport like fencing, go for it. The important thing is to tailor your workout to fit your own personality and lifestyle. Is it convenient to bicycle to and from work? Do it. Do you enjoy team sports? Do it. Do you like the idea of upgrading your muscles? Do it.
Many people go the weight lifting route, but don't forget to add aerobic exercise into the mix. The usual advice is three to four times per week, for at least twenty minutes per session.
If you are in a very unhealthy condition (like you have difficulties to move thereof...) you need to begin slowly, assisted by some diet, because the primary goal will be weight loss, and to exercise properly you need less weight. Running is best for fat-reducing, you can run as slow as you want (well it should be more strainful than simply walking) for as long as you can. 15 minutes is ok for beginners, even with casual breaks. After two or three months you will feel your heart has become a lot stronger, and you can do a lot longer. You need more than half an hour to begin burning fat efficiently. One hour seems to be a good time span, that is not too stressful for the rest of your body (after some practice though).
Don't be fooled by sports that don't really give you much exercise. For example, cricket. It's a sport with a long and storied history, but try watching a game. How many of the players are actually moving at any given time? The game is characterized by the occasional frantic burst of activity, and a whole lot of standing around. This pattern of exercise is more likely to result in injuries than in firm, woman-attracting abs. It's great to enjoy cricket, but be sure to give your body other forms of exercise. The overall health that results will make you a better player and reduce your likelihood of injury.
Diet is a tricky subject. We all have different dietary needs, we all have different food preferences, and some lifestyles aren't conducive to getting proper nutrition. Lifestyle changes aren't easy, but they're worth doing. Put down the twinkies and acquaint yourself with the produce department of your local supermarket. Most of us could benefit from cutting back on fat, cutting our overall calorie intake, and eating a much wider variety of healthy foods. Avoid fad diets, diets that focus on a single miracle food (the infamous grapefruit diet, for example), and starvation diets. The best diet isn't necessarily the one that drops pounds fastest, but one which involves permanent lifestyle changes that keep unwanted pounds from coming back.
The news are always full of studies where eating such-and-such vegetable or fruit prevents cancer/heart disease/arthritis/etc/etc /etc.. A sum-up of all these studies is "Food is medicine, and medicine is food." This is the case when you are careful to eat lots of raw vegetables, fruits, and grains, while eating dairy and meat much less often. Eating veggies raw is to be preferred to eating them cooked, because the heat breaks up the vitamins and minerals. Think of fruit as nature's dessert. Eating healthy foods will do you much more good if you stop eating the unhealthy foods too. The key to this is to avoid the pre-processed foods like the plague, and eat things in as natural a state as possible. High fructose corn syrup in particular kills your bodies ability to determine that you are full, which leads to overeating. (do a Google search on "high fructose corn syrup, health" to find out more.) It is amazing how many foods it is found in now.
Healthy eating affects your looks - the gloss of your hair, the clearness of your skin.. It also affects body odor, your energy level, and your outlook on life. You will know that you're eating healthy if you find yourself feeling fewer and fewer cravings for sweets and meats.
Changing your diet
When you go to the grocery store, choose a new vegetable to try, and get only one. When you get home, wash it in water to get the pesticides off of it, cut a small piece, and eat it raw to see what it tastes like and decide whether you like it. If you like it raw, then that's definitely how you should eat it. If you don't like it raw, then try cooking it for just a few minutes, and then try it again. (It is better to undercook than overcook vegetables.) If you don't like that vegetable at all, then don't try eating it again until 6 months later, when you've gotten more used to your more natural diet and your perception of vegetables and their flavors have changed. Think of it as a scientific experiment, and work your way through all the vegetables this way so that you can find you didn't know you liked.
(Health Note: If you decide to eat a food in a different manner of preparation than conventional methods, it is often a good idea to check into the particular item a little first (Web searches, etc.). While taste, creativity and other points are all concerns, some foods are cooked or prepared in a certain way because of nutritional issues. For example, some raw peas, though eaten are actually not good for your ligaments so should be cooked before eating to break down certain chemicals; also, acorns/chestnuts have tannins which should be broken down by heat or other treatments (some societies prepare it with clay which binds up tannins to prevent them from absorption through the intestinal wall. These are just a few examples.)
Try out fruits in a similar fashion, but omitting the cooking step. Fruits are especially good for satisfying hunger quickly, and a piece of fruit can go a long way.
If you hate breakfast cereals with flakes, go for granola cereal. Test out brands until you find one you like, as not all granolas are created equal. Whenever possible, eat carbohydrates based on whole grain, wheat, wheat flour, and the like. Avoid "enriched" if possible.
Hair and Facial Hair
Hair should be clean and well-groomed. Frequent use of shampoo and conditioner is advised, and the longer your hair is the more important it becomes. Regular trims keep your hair low
Oh, one more thing: Comb-overs. Don't do it. Just don't. It is becoming commonplace for balding men now to simply shave off all of their hair, which many consider to be a better alternative.
Facial hair is a difficult and controversial area. Some women love it, some women absolutely hate it. For widespread appeal, I would suggest doing away with the beard and sideburns altogether. But if you like how you look with a beard or goatee, go for it, and keep it neatly trimmed at whatever length you enjoy. When you are happy with the way you look, it shows in the way you conduct yourself, and the confidence you display is often very attractive to women.
Stand up straight. This says you are alert and on top of things. It also shows your body to the best advantage. Same goes for sitting up straight.
What to do with your hands -- Use your hands to help convey your meaning when you speak and tell stories. While listening, you can keep them in your pockets,or on your lap (if sitting down).
Having your arms folded across your chest during a conversation conveys an impression that you are resistant or closing your mind against whatever is being said; it is like a barrier between you and other people. Avoid this stance when in any kind of argument with a girl.
Having one arm folded across your chest with the other arm resting over it and that hand up touching your face conveys the impression that you are listening carefully. If you are at a table, you can also send the same signal by leaning forward slightly, with your elbows on the table, with your head leaning on your hands.
If you sit on a couch next to a girl you don't know, resting your arm on the back of the couch (assuming the back is low enough to do so comfortably) yet without touching her back may be interpretted by some girls as expressing mild interest. More interest may be conveyed, if your other arm is not similarly draped over the back of the couch and there is another girl sitting on that side.
If you are sitting down with an empty spot next to you and a girl walks into the room who you find attractive, you can subtly signal to her to come over and sit down by you by catching her eye and smiling. This will fulfill a girl's psychological need to feel wanted, and it will draw them to you like a moth to a flame. Even if they don't come over and sit down next to you immediately, they will eventually (unless they have a boyfriend and he is present).
- Between the time that you signal and the time that she comes and sits down next to you, plan out a line of conversation into which you can immediately enter. The girl has no idea what to expect, but she will be open to being impressed and charmed.
The most important thing is to be happy with and confident in your body. If you don't feel confident in the appearance you present to women, this lack of confidence will speak louder than expensive clothes or a new haircut ever could. So if some piece of advice feels totally wrong, jettison it. If some outfit makes you feel like an idiot, wear something else. Attitude is everything.