User:Pinpointdaprophet/sandbox
The Presence of the Cycle of Abuse in Dreamhouse[edit | edit source]
If you’ve ever wondered why victims of domestic violence stay in abusive relationships, you’re asking the wrong question. Since “victims may be trapped in domestically violent situations through isolation, power and control, traumatic bonding to the abuser…”,[1] it is much more appropriate to ask how the abuser is able to prevent the victim from leaving. In terms of the story, Carmen’s partner prevents her from leaving their relationship by having power and control over Carmen, leaving Carmen feeling as though it is her who needs to “be a better person”. The social cycle theory known as the “Cycle of abuse”,[2] developed in 1979 by Lenore E. Walker,[3] goes into detail on patterns of behavior in abusive relationships which are visible in Carmen’s relationship.
In phase one of the Cycle of Abuse, also known as the “Tensions Building” phase,[2] “Stress builds from the pressures of daily life, like conflict over children, marital issues, misunderstandings, or other family conflicts”.[2] We see this in the couple when Carmen’s partner has the audacity to ask Carmen for an explanation as to why she was moving around in her sleep. Not only is Carmen startled by her partner, but she is also afraid of the potential aggression that may result based on her answer. This is extremely stressful for Carmen as she wasn't she was disturbing her partner and yet she is being questioned as if she did.
Phase two of the Cycle of Abuse is known as the “incident” phase.[2] In this phase “the abuser attempts to dominate their victim” with “outbursts of violence and abuse”.[2] This outburst by the abuser “reduces the tension” that was built up in the previous phase but usually comes at the expense of the victim.[2] When Carmen to apologizes to her partner for interrupting her sleep, Carmen states that she “can’t” stop moving around, to which her partner responds, “Fuck You”. The usage of this phrase is the “incident”,[2] as it ultimately ends the conversation but simultaneously reveals the “power and control”[1] Carmen’s partner has over her.
In phase three of the Cycle of Abuse “The perpetrator may begin to feel remorse, guilty feelings, or fear that their partner will leave…” while the “victim feels pain, fear, humiliation, disrespect, confusion, and may mistakenly feel responsible.”[2] This “apparent end of violence” is what is known as the “reconciliation” phase[2]. This phase is characterized by the abusers' “affection, apology, or, alternatively, ignoring” of the incident[2]. While Carmen’s partner never apologizes for her verbal abuse, Carmen recalls her partner did say that she is “not responsible for anything (she) says” during “the first 10 minutes of the day.” By responding in this manner Carmen’s partner is able to dismiss Carmen’s feelings while simultaneously ridding herself of the guilt that comes with disrespecting the person she claims to love. Because Carmen’s partner holds all the “power and control” in their relationship,[1] Carmen allows herself to be convinced that her partner’s lack of accountability is acceptable. While it may not make sense to the individual who has experienced a healthy relationship, it is completely understandable that Carmen reacts this way as survivors of abuse tend to be “eager for their relationship to improve”.[2]
The final stage of the cycle of violence is what is known as the “calm” phase, and “is often considered an element of the honeymoon/reconciliation phase”.[2] During this time “the relationship is relatively calm and peaceful” as the abuser may ask for forgiveness, or the couple may have sexual relations, which can create a momentary “normal atmosphere”.[2] These examples may vary based on the couple but ultimately these solutions do not last as “interpersonal difficulties will inevitably arise”.[2] In the chapter the couple experience this phase first thing in the morning as Carmen wakes up and feels a sense of “effervescent contentment” before being disturbed by her partner’s ridiculous question.
Carmen Maria Machado does a phenomenal job at illustrating the Cycle of Abuse as well as the inability of the victim to simply “leave” their abuser. We as readers are able to find Carmen’s reasoning as to why she is unable to leave her abusive relationship through the Cycle of Abuse, which is why it is so important to mention when discussing this chapter.